a case of the mondays...

So, I woke up this morning at 5 am, 25 minutes pre-alarm totally freaking out about what I was going to have to do in approximately 2.5 hours. Today was the big day, my first official time to fire someone... all on my own. The subject, whose name will remain anonymous and given the code name Spike, from the beginning of his employment gave me the heebie jeebies. You know what they say about a woman's intuition... it's usually right and in this case I was so dead on, however what I didn't forsee, was how bad this particular monday would actually be.

Spike, a recovering alcoholic/narcoticsocholic is a real piece of work. He made it a point to share with the office staff all of his ridiculous yet trendy purchases (fivefinger shoes, gross) or his fancy "steakhouse" dinners he likes to take his girlfriend (who he constantly complained about) too. He also happens to be one of the most arrogant sob's that I have come in contact with to date, I mean who goes around bragging about how much money they made because they are such an awesome sales person, ugh.

Well, it got to the point that Spike felt we could not survive without him and he decided that he should start calling all of the shots. I mean really, he went from cleaning drapes, to selling cars, to cleaning carpet all in the span of a year... It doesn't surprise me though because he thought after spending a week in the office on light duty because he "injured" his back that he should be the dispatcher, again with the arrogance. Well, eventually Spike's arrogance turned to anger because he felt he could do everyone's job better. He started rearranging his schedule without informing the dispatcher and refused to work weekends or after 5 pm, all of which are requirements of his position. So, enough was enough, his bad attitude was infecting everyone around him to the point where we could no longer keep him around.

So, I arrive at work around 7 am and realize that I had forgotten my keys, omg I totally freak out and am like how can I fire Spike if my office is locked, I mean I can't fire him from the hallway... Thank goodness our dispatcher arrived a few minutes later and let me in my office. My dispatcher also informed me that one of our other 4 technicians, Rico called in sick, again and that my boss fired him from Michigan where he happens to be on vacation. This puts me a little at ease, I mean if he can do it over the phone from 1,000 miles away, I can do it right, I mean forget the fact that if I fire Spike we will be down to only 2 technicians... I was obviously not thinking clearly. So, at around 7:35 am I see Spike's car arrive. My heart immediately jumps into my throat and my hands start to shake. Holy crap, how the fuck am I supposed to do this if I can't even speak. Well, it got done and approximately 5 hours later technician number 3 met his fate...

Don, one of our most loyal technician of 16 years might have a slight drinking problem. Today the slight problem turned into a real big fucking problem. Toady was Don's first day back from a week long paid vacation and unfortunately one of his appointments involved a ladder. So, here's how the story goes: Don goes to customers home, Don climbs ladder, Don falls off ladder, Don breaks toe, Don goes to MedClinic, Don gets drug/alcohol test, Don fails test. MedClinic won't let Don drive home because Don's blood alcohol level is .028. Don calls office and needs ride home...

So, let's do the math: We started the day with 4 technicians, 7 am Rico gets fired for excessive absenteeism, 7:45 am Spike gets fired for being a douche bag, 4:30 pm Don gets stuck at MedClinic too drunk to drive. That leaves one technician to pick up Don, Derrick, who will probably quit tomorrow due to the fact that he is the only one left leaving me with a case of the Tuesdays...

"only a whore like you would catch that..." -Anonymous

so, i was at a wedding this weekend and got slightly too intoxicated and missed one of the best quotes ever, "only a whore like you would catch that..." -Anonymous

To fully understand the full meaning of the quote I must give a quick history lesson (for the sake of being anonymous, i have changed the names).

It all began in the halls of Capeside Heights High School about 10 years ago, a young boy named Dawson and an even younger girl named Joey met and began their courtship. Over the years, the couple had their ups and downs, but eventually realized that they were destined to be together, bringing us to this past wedding weekend.

Like most high school "cliques" Dawson and Joey had theirs. Two of their friends- Pacey and Andie also had courted, but unlike Dawson and Joey, their destiny was not to end up together and they split. Andie moved on... and recently she too got engaged. Unfortunately her fiance lives in Mississippi and couldn't make it in town for the wedding.

Pacey, was still searching for his soul mate when he ran into Jen, one of Joey's other high school friends. So, Jen and Pacey started to spend some time together and realized they had a lot in common. Jen and Andie were not the best of friends, so Jen didn't see any asking Pacey to be her date to Dawson and Joey's wedding, bringing us to the wedding.

Well, the ceremony went of without a hitch. Joey glided down the aisle with her mother by her side and looked absolutely stunning. The minister told stories from Capeside Heights of Dawson's glory days on the soccer field and his teammates who stood beside him at the alter all laughed with joy. It was truly picturesque!

After the ceremony the booze was flowing and the courtyard filled with laughter and joy. People danced, ate and drank the night away... some people just drank the night away- ie. me, hence why I missed the infamous quote.

Then, came time for the bouquet toss. With "all the single ladies"- by Beyonce playing in the background, the DJ called for them to gather around Joey. Jen and Andie crossed paths for the first time in the evening and ended up standing right next to each other. Andie was quite belligerent at this point and screeched, "Jen, can you please not stand next to me". Jen, refused to move and replied, "No, Andie, I'm not moving, you can move if you want to."

Then, from out of nowhere came the toss and to Jen's utter disbelief the bouquet landed in her arms! Andie, furious with anger, steam brewing off her forehead, glared down at Jen and shrieked, "Only a whore like you would catch that" and walked away. Jen shocked by Andie's crude words and foul mouth fell into the arms of Pacey and they lived happily ever after.

The End.